


leave it to the wayside

by gayshire



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bottom Louis, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Harry Styles - Freeform, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, M/M, Top Harry, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 16:56:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16559618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayshire/pseuds/gayshire
Summary: Louis struggling with depression.





	leave it to the wayside

**Author's Note:**

> Kinda based off a true story aka mine. Not as fluffy though but uhhh I hope you all like it. If not, that's okay too :) I love Louis with everything in me pls don't think otherwise for the way I depicted him in this.

“I’ve always thought you deserved more, you know?” Louis says out of the blue. They were watching a movie. They finally, finally got a break from the tour and they’re in their Malibu home that overlooks the ocean. It’s pretty, really.

Harry looks at Louis, his eyes roaming Louis’ face, he takes Louis’ hand and rubs comforting circles on his dainty knuckles. “Why?”

Louis shrugged, “I don’t know- I just-you hang out with these huge and amazing celebrities and I feel like- I always feel like I should be even more better for you. Like, even more skinny, pretty-”

“I don’t understand where this is coming from, baby,” Harry said, extending his arm so Louis can cocoon himself into Harry. And, Louis just did that. “Don’t ever think you’re less than what I deserve. You’re my entire life and it pains my heart when you talk as if you don’t matter,” Harry says after a while of silence. Louis doesn’t say anything because he doesn’t really know what to say so he just keeps listening to the thud thud thud of Harry's heart. 

They stay like that, Harry pressing his lips to Louis’ hair and Louis watching the movie with empty eyes, tears brimming and he’s trying so hard not to let them spill. He isn’t paying attention to the movie, his mind travelling at such a speed, crazy and stubborn thoughts which never go away. Louis is so fucking tired. He just wants to float away and escape from his mind conflicts. 

Harry doesn’t realize it. Louis doesn’t want him to.

^

3 months later. Harry is out for the night, he got an invitation to a private beach party from his friend Xander. Xander is kind and very handsome and Louis doesn’t like him. Not one bit. It doesn’t help him, the fact that Xander openly flirts with Harry, makes Harry laugh, something he has not been doing these months. What if they elope? He doesn’t want to jump into conclusions, not yet. 

Louis sits on the patio with his journal and a pen and just lets his words flow on paper. Whatever comes onto his mind. Every song he writes is for Harry. Always for Harry.

At around 2 in the night and after a pack of cigarettes later, Harry gets home. He lost track of time and a pair of arms wrapped around his shoulders making him startle but he snapped out of it when he realized it was Harry. His Harry.

“Louiiiis,” He slurs. He’s clearly drunk.

Somehow, they ended up in their bedroom amongst the blankets and pillows on bed, kissing as if it’s their last day in their lives, like they’re making the most of it. Harry on top of Louis, cupping his jaw, kissing his swollen pretty lips and Louis is giving out soft gasps in between. “You drive me fucking crazy, baby, do you know that? I’m so crazy for you,” Harry grits out, harshly smashing their lips together, his hands gripping Louis’ soft hip. Louis was always pliant and vulnerable when it comes to their sex life, he wants to be loved, wants to be used, he would give his soul off if it would make Harry happy. Harry would do the same.

He wants to know if he has the same effect on Harry now like he did 6 years ago, he wants to know if he is good enough, worthy enough to love, beautiful enough, he just wants to be more than enough for Harry. Enough, enough, enough. That feeling of self-loathing, which, is not a new concept for him. Always being compared to other members in every aspect, always comparing himself to Harry’s friends, crying and clawing himself to be that pretty, that popular for Harry to love him even more. Maybe, it was time. The way Harry is kissing him now, it seems like Harry is done with him. Xander it is now, is it. New face, new atmosphere around, of course Harry would like an out. 

Louis doesn’t know when he started crying, doesn’t know when Harry stopped kissing, still holding his jaw, concern very much evident on his face. Eyebrows furrowed like when he is thinking about something, mouth a little agape when he doesn’t know what is happening. Harry is hugging him tight and mumbling some words. He can’t really fucking make out but all he wants to do is cry it out. Cry all that pent-up aggression, anxiety out in front of Harry, no matter how hard the after effects would be like— questions, interrogation, why, what happened etc. 

“I’m here, lovely, I’m right here, baby,” Harry says as he peppers kisses all over Louis’ face. Everywhere he could reach. Anything to calm his baby down, Harry knew Louis was in a tough place but he didn't know Louis was in such a tough place his entire body would quiver with his cries. Their relationship was going a bit shaky these few months, granted they both had their own things to do, but they were lacking something and it was Louis’ happiness. It’s breaking his heart into a million pieces to see Louis like this, this fragile, this tired. 

“Please don’t leave me,” Louis whimpers out.

Harry tightens his hold, pulls Louis even closer, they're now laying together, front to front, Louis hiding his face in Harry’s chest. “Please don’t leave me, I love you so much, Haz” 

“Baby, hey, look at me, Louis,” Harry says, pinching Louis’ chin with his pointer and thumb to make Louis look at him. “Talk to me, lovely. What is going on? Why would you ever think I would leave you?” Harry is looking at him with such intensity, he’s fucking embarrassed for even saying it now.

Louis shrugs. “I’m so sorry, I wish I’m better for you. I don’t know what is happening to me and you leaving me is inevitable.”

Harry lets out a shaky, tired sigh but does not let his hold on Louis slightly loose. “Listen to me carefully. I am not leaving you. I will never leave you. Do you get it? I want you to tell me how you feel. Just because you’re going through bad days doesn’t mean I’m leaving you, just because you feel like I deserve better, doesn’t mean I deserve someone else. You ruined this entire planet for me,” Louis lets out a watery giggle. “Did you not hear what I said earlier? I’m crazy about you, Louis. My world revolves around you, I can’t fucking live without you for more than a week, how can you decide that I’m gonna leave huh?”

And then, after a while of calming down, even more kisses, they sleep like that. Dried tear marks on their faces, their bodies intertwined. 

^

“I think. I think I would like to get some help,” Louis says. It's been a couple weeks since his breakdown that night, still getting worse day after day. They are driving along the coast near Malibu. Ocean breeze hitting their faces. 

“Anything,” Harry says. “Anyone. Top doctors.” 

Louis shakes his head, a small smile on his face. “I want to get better. For myself, for you.”


End file.
